Parents Evening

There are a couple of times in the school year that I do not relish in any way. They are, report writing time and parents evening. My workload goes throught the roof for the reports and when it comes to parents evening, there is the worry that you will be criticised or that you do all the talking for ten minutes to a stony faced parent.

I am quite cool under pressure and even though I have had this, I don't let parents know I am anything other than cool as a cucumber. In my first post, I had a particularly aggressive parent come to see me who refused to sit down and was not in any way friendly. I got through this unscathed.

Then there are the parents who look at you as if to say- "who is this child of which you speak?" Mostly because they are angels at school, and total monsters at home. Sometimes though, a parent will try and convince you that the rude, obnoxious child you describe in terms of 'not putting in enough effort, does not write ANYTHING, will NOT read, does not know how to speak to peers and adults...' is in fact reading War and Peace at home, has just collected second Nobel prize and is collaborating with Stephen Hawking on his next book.
Fine, have it your way.

Then there is the time-keeping. I am absolutely HOPELESS at keeping to the ten minute slot. By the end of the night I am running over half an hour late and that is with a planned break for catching up.

At the end of it all, you are inevitably left with the feeling you should be doing more. This is the nature of the job. Nothing is EVER good enough, whether it comes from parents or yourself.

Still, all over for another year. Reports are next, but I do not have to be there when they are opened.

P.E

At the moment, I am not teaching any P.E. I don't mind this too much as it is something I hated when I was at school. It lost all of it's appeal after primary school. In those days, I would pretend I had forgotten my P.E kit, in order that I would have to do P.E in my Wonder Woman knickers and vest.
Yes, sad but true. It was all music and movement and I remember it being a lovely time.
At the next school however, this changed. Suddenly P.E became something that was about competition and for me, failure. I am not sporty in the least. I swim once a week.I will always remember being reduced to tears in front of a whole class at 13 by a teacher who told me I hadn't even tried to do well at netball. In truth, I had tried and tried and tried but no one ever passed to me because I was rubbish.
Anyway, though still bearing scars from this, I endeavour to make P.E fun for all on those occasions I do teach it.
Currently we have a coach teaching one session a week, and though I can see she knows her stuff, she has no idea about keeping a class of children engaged or active. I seem to spend my time asking them to listen and stop messing about, but they are bored and I don't blame them. I honestly think I do a better job.
The same thing happened with a gym coach, who would ask the children to walk on their toes round 4 mats for a lot of the time and week in, week out, get them to perform certain static balances. All the children wanted to know was when the climbing frame was coming out and who can blame them, it was the highlight of gym for me at school.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with all of this but it seems to me that if we want to inspire a love of physical activity in young people, in order that they want to continue to stay fit and active into adulthood, it must be enjoyable. If we cannot get it right at primary age, there is something very wrong.

Show and Tell

Every week we have 'Show and Tell'. The children love it. They get to show everyone their treasures and tell us all about their weekend. It's also a great time for me to assess speaking and listening.

Most of my children bring in the usual sort of thing, cars, teddies, dolls, stickers.

Go-go's are the latest craze.

One of my children does not fit this mould. He is unique in his choices for Show and Tell and they are always surprising.

Since the start of term he has bought in;

• radiator valves


• a light switch cover


• glow in the dark compass


• spirit level


• aeroplane engine parts


• keys


• AA membership leaflets

He also stops me from throwing ANYTHING away until he has seen it and checked to see if it might be treasure. I dread to think what his bedroom is like at home. His tray is full of pen tops, cardboard tubes, pasta shells and any number of things I did not make it to the bin with. He is also fascinated by the way things work and I have to try and explain many things to him that the other children are not concerned with.

I imagine that one day he will grow up and be a budding James Dyson. He will look at an existing product, decide it is useless and totally reinvent it.

I want it known I discovered him first!

Half term

Hooray - it is half term.
I need it, the children definitely need it. The last week has been hard work. They are tired and irritable and they are currently limited by the weather conditions at playtimes.
Simple tasks have proved nearly impossible, there have been tears and tantrums - mine as well as theirs!
P.E has been a riot with children forgetting various items of clothing when they line up ready, trying to wear plimsolls on the wrong feet and in some cases, two right footed shoes. One of my children realised with horror this week that he had forgotten to put on underwear at home as he got ready.
Today's lesson plans went out the window in favour of painting and model making and some role play and choosing time. To ask them to do more would have been a pointless waste of time. The highlight of the day was watching some of my older children 'teach' the younger ones how to make a lantern using an instruction leaflet they had written themselves. Their take on teaching is delightful to watch.
One of my favourite things to do is watch them and listen to them during free play times. Several of them like to pretend to be me. They sit on my chair, use my resources and have a group of children around them. I am pleased to say that they obviously don't see me as a tyrant.
My other favourite thing is to sit with them and listen to their conversations. Sometimes when they know I'm doing it and I will join in, and sometimes as a silent listener. Recently I had to stop myself laughing when one of my boys said to his table;
"Do you even know what a bra IS?", and when some did not; "It holds your mummy's boobies."
I thought it best not to let him know I had heard this.
I will miss them next week, I really will.

Fashion

I have a morbid fear of becoming one of 'those' teachers who dresses in shin length pleated skirts in floral fabric and wears K shoes.

I went through a scruffy phase a few years ago and now I look back in horror at the pictures. There was one particularly horrifying day when I had cooked fish the night before at home and came in the next day with the smell on my clothes. I am still stunned at the impregnating powers of cod. When one of the children commented; "I can smell fish", I was beyond mortified.

Nowadays I never dress down unless I am out for walks. At all other times I dress as well as I can. This includes Sunday at home on my own, when I am often to be found in dress and cinch belt and heels whilst doing my weekly plans.

I also buy into the theory that children like colour and that I am a role model of sorts. Therefore I have an ever expanding wardrobe and a growing army of small followers of my fashion. In order that I can keep up with current trends and stay within budget, I buy a weekly fashion magazine. It is total trash, I am the first to admit, but I use it purely as a point of reference for my wardrobe. When I am finished looking at the pretty pictures, I bring the old copies in to work where I will go through them with my friend and colleague and discuss the really important issues of our times, like Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum being married now, and look at how thin Rachel Zoe has become...etc etc.

Visitors to our place of work are always impressed with the level of high brow conversation from two educated women. We have even been known to discuss - I'm a Celebrity..... at tea break.

There are some days when my fashion choices backfire on me, for instance a couple of weeks ago when a coach was suddenly unable to run the session and I had to step in at the last minute. Knee length heeled boots are not necessarily conducive to 'High Quality P.E'. Or for rumaging in the shed for cones.

I think though on balance, I'd rather the slight discomfort and possibly short term lack of dignity than return to the scruffy fish smelling days from long ago...

Sweet irony

We use a published scheme for maths. It is very good and the children love it. Part of the package is the interactive whiteboard resources.
Unusually today, I had not looked at it in advance, as I knew it was about graphs and pictograms.
Imagine my amusement when I clicked to the pictogram and it was;
OUR FAVOURITE DRINKS
The choices were; orange, lemon, pineapple, apple and cola.

I don't think I need tell you what I chose.

Diet Coke will rot your teeth

I am a hypocrite.
Where I work, the children are all reminded to bring a healthy snack. This has to be fruit, yogurt, or at the very least a cereal bar.
Meanwhile, I will scoff cake, biscuits and crisps.
The children are all asked to drink water and only squash at lunchtime.
I drink Diet Coke. I love the stuff, cannot get enough of it.
Today one of my five year olds asked me;
"What do you drink at home?"
"Diet Coke" I said honestly.
"It rots your teeth" she says to me confidently.
"I know, I am bad, but I like it."
"I only drink water and apple juice."
"Well, you are very sensible and I am silly", I say.
One of the other children then decides I have not been lectured extensively enough about my drinking habits;
"My mum only lets me drink coke as a treat."
"I think my mum would only let me drink it as a treat too, but I do the shopping now so I get to eat and drink whatever I like." I responded

It was a shameful response I know, but one day, they will be the same.

Data handling

We have been data handling this week. Amongst finding out our shoe size, eye colour, letters in our names etc, we have also discovered the following;

• some of us cannot work collaboratively


• some of us will put the information somewhere, anywhere, as long as we can be finished first


• many of us feel it unnecessary to use a ruler to draw a straight line with, despite constant reminders
  
• all of us would enjoy the work more if Smarties were involved
  
  
  

I like Mondays, I don't like Tuesdays.

I love my job, don't get me wrong. But life is good when you get some time to yourself, to sort things out for the week, gather your resources and thoughts and often just de-clutter. This day for me is Monday. I don't have any supervision duties, it isn't my assembly day and I get my non-contact time. Bliss. It's the perfect way to ease back into work after the weekend.
Tuesdays on the other hand are choc full of supervision times, assemblies and meetings....etc I get NO time to even catch my breath. I dislike them intensely as I feel like I spend the whole day like the proverbial headless chicken.
After next week's half term, there will be a change to my timetable. My Monday afternoon will be spent supervising. I had a taster of this today. My supervision is at the pool where the children swim. My job is to chivvy them along to get changed and keep an eye on the group who is not swimming. I get to sit by the poolside on a comfortable chair and watch the experts teach.
My non-contact time will now be on a Friday afternoon.
Life is good...(until tomorrow, when it will be Tuesday again)

Say what you mean.

Another lesson I have learned is to say exactly what I mean and leave no room for misinterpretation.
Long ago, I learned not to ask "Would you like to come and read to me?"
The answer will of course be no.
I now say, "It is your turn to read."

I work with people who are also adept at this. When a child locked a toilet door from the inside, we knew who had done it, just not how. Rather than ask them 'if' they had done it, my colleague said;
"Did you go over the top, or underneath?"
We had found our culprit.

What will happen?

Because I have been in my field for 10 years, I tend to know what works and what doesn't work with types of children. Some children will always test the boundaries, causing upset to others. Therefore, I developed the 'What will happen?' chain.
It's a flow chart. At the top goes the action which has caused upset, and then we break down the consequences. At the bottom the final consequence is always 'I am sad'.

For instance -

Making sick noises in the dinner queue in front of the cook and other children.
What will happen?
I will be asked to sit at the cutlery table
What will happen?
I will be on my own.
What will happen?
I will be sad.

You get the picture.

Eventually, it is my belief that the message will hit home.
I live in constant hope.

A few classics

I wish I had written every funny quote down, or had a tape recorder to hand. Often, with my colleagues, we have a quote of the day competition. This is either to see who has the funniest quote, or if we can guess who said it. Anyway, these are some of the funnier ones from my career;

B asks me a question about history - and she is asking about millions of years ago.
Me- Oh, millions of years ago. Before even dinosaurs walked the earth.
B- Was Mrs G alive then?
Me- No. (But secretly wanting to say yes)

G- I've finished.
Me- Well we have 5 mins left til I stop eveyone. You can either spend that five minutes improving your work, or just sit there.
G- I'll just sit there.
Me- wrong answer.
O- Was it? I thought it was the right answer.
Me- Did you? Does that sound like me?
All children in the vicinity shake their heads.

C- I haven't done my homework yet.

Me- Ok, why's that?

C- Daddy had the runs.

Me- Ok then, don't worry about it.

If you are a parent, know that you have no secrets. I know your age, medical history and much, much more. If it's any consolation, I am afforded no privacy either. I was asked if I had finished replacing some lost work from my memory stick last week.

Me- No, I had to send some emails.

S- Who to?

Me Ha ha.

R-for no reason I know feels it suddenly necessary to share the following;
I had glass in my foot once. (and he walks away, having shared info)

Me- D, M is coming home with you today.
D- M, you are coming home with me, come and see my bed!
I am left wondering if the same line will work for him in 15 years time.

I have been reading one of my favourite childhood books to my children. The book is The Worst Witch. We are now on the second book as they loved the first so much. We got to the part where poor Mildred has been turned to a frog by her arch enemy Ethel Hallow. To cut the story short, Mildred had insulted Ethel's family and upset her sister with tales of students being turned to frogs.
Mildred, now a frog, comes to the pond and meets another frog.

Me- Who do we think this frog is? What will happen?
O- I think the big frog will try and mate with her.
Me- Not quite where I was going with that but....

My children are between the ages of 5 and 7.

In the beginning...

The last two and a half years of my life have been pretty traumatic. I have recently divorced and am fighting my ex in court. This week, I turned down a job offer that would have taken me to the sunshine, brought me a lot more money and excitement. I turned it down for unselfish reasons.
I have been inspired to write by my sister who has recently begun blogging, and a friend of mine.

The one thing that has remained stable and bouyant for me is my work. I work with children and I love it. I have worked with children for the last 10 years. They bring me untold joy and laughter.

I intend to share the funnier side of my work and the joyous things that come out of the mouths of babes and which you can never foresee.

The dog is my dog. He is the reason I am staying put and the reason I am going to court. I love him unconditionally.