Some recent gems

Today at work we were using the Argos catalogue for something fun as a maths lesson alternative. In the index it said St Christophers. I explained to one of my class what it was.
He seemed to understand and then began to tell me about St George.
"St George didn't kill a dragon, he killed someone dressed up as a dragon."
"Did he?"
"Yes."
"Well there you go."

I am grateful for the wisdom of my class.

I was asked the other day at register time; "What is that bone on you?"
I replied that it was my collar bone-
Small children are fairly useless at hiding when they are mildly horrified by something. I don't carry weight in that area of my body.

Parents Evening

There are a couple of times in the school year that I do not relish in any way. They are, report writing time and parents evening. My workload goes throught the roof for the reports and when it comes to parents evening, there is the worry that you will be criticised or that you do all the talking for ten minutes to a stony faced parent.

I am quite cool under pressure and even though I have had this, I don't let parents know I am anything other than cool as a cucumber. In my first post, I had a particularly aggressive parent come to see me who refused to sit down and was not in any way friendly. I got through this unscathed.

Then there are the parents who look at you as if to say- "who is this child of which you speak?" Mostly because they are angels at school, and total monsters at home. Sometimes though, a parent will try and convince you that the rude, obnoxious child you describe in terms of 'not putting in enough effort, does not write ANYTHING, will NOT read, does not know how to speak to peers and adults...' is in fact reading War and Peace at home, has just collected second Nobel prize and is collaborating with Stephen Hawking on his next book.
Fine, have it your way.

Then there is the time-keeping. I am absolutely HOPELESS at keeping to the ten minute slot. By the end of the night I am running over half an hour late and that is with a planned break for catching up.

At the end of it all, you are inevitably left with the feeling you should be doing more. This is the nature of the job. Nothing is EVER good enough, whether it comes from parents or yourself.

Still, all over for another year. Reports are next, but I do not have to be there when they are opened.

P.E

At the moment, I am not teaching any P.E. I don't mind this too much as it is something I hated when I was at school. It lost all of it's appeal after primary school. In those days, I would pretend I had forgotten my P.E kit, in order that I would have to do P.E in my Wonder Woman knickers and vest.
Yes, sad but true. It was all music and movement and I remember it being a lovely time.
At the next school however, this changed. Suddenly P.E became something that was about competition and for me, failure. I am not sporty in the least. I swim once a week.I will always remember being reduced to tears in front of a whole class at 13 by a teacher who told me I hadn't even tried to do well at netball. In truth, I had tried and tried and tried but no one ever passed to me because I was rubbish.
Anyway, though still bearing scars from this, I endeavour to make P.E fun for all on those occasions I do teach it.
Currently we have a coach teaching one session a week, and though I can see she knows her stuff, she has no idea about keeping a class of children engaged or active. I seem to spend my time asking them to listen and stop messing about, but they are bored and I don't blame them. I honestly think I do a better job.
The same thing happened with a gym coach, who would ask the children to walk on their toes round 4 mats for a lot of the time and week in, week out, get them to perform certain static balances. All the children wanted to know was when the climbing frame was coming out and who can blame them, it was the highlight of gym for me at school.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with all of this but it seems to me that if we want to inspire a love of physical activity in young people, in order that they want to continue to stay fit and active into adulthood, it must be enjoyable. If we cannot get it right at primary age, there is something very wrong.

Show and Tell

Every week we have 'Show and Tell'. The children love it. They get to show everyone their treasures and tell us all about their weekend. It's also a great time for me to assess speaking and listening.

Most of my children bring in the usual sort of thing, cars, teddies, dolls, stickers.

Go-go's are the latest craze.

One of my children does not fit this mould. He is unique in his choices for Show and Tell and they are always surprising.

Since the start of term he has bought in;

• radiator valves


• a light switch cover


• glow in the dark compass


• spirit level


• aeroplane engine parts


• keys


• AA membership leaflets

He also stops me from throwing ANYTHING away until he has seen it and checked to see if it might be treasure. I dread to think what his bedroom is like at home. His tray is full of pen tops, cardboard tubes, pasta shells and any number of things I did not make it to the bin with. He is also fascinated by the way things work and I have to try and explain many things to him that the other children are not concerned with.

I imagine that one day he will grow up and be a budding James Dyson. He will look at an existing product, decide it is useless and totally reinvent it.

I want it known I discovered him first!

Half term

Hooray - it is half term.
I need it, the children definitely need it. The last week has been hard work. They are tired and irritable and they are currently limited by the weather conditions at playtimes.
Simple tasks have proved nearly impossible, there have been tears and tantrums - mine as well as theirs!
P.E has been a riot with children forgetting various items of clothing when they line up ready, trying to wear plimsolls on the wrong feet and in some cases, two right footed shoes. One of my children realised with horror this week that he had forgotten to put on underwear at home as he got ready.
Today's lesson plans went out the window in favour of painting and model making and some role play and choosing time. To ask them to do more would have been a pointless waste of time. The highlight of the day was watching some of my older children 'teach' the younger ones how to make a lantern using an instruction leaflet they had written themselves. Their take on teaching is delightful to watch.
One of my favourite things to do is watch them and listen to them during free play times. Several of them like to pretend to be me. They sit on my chair, use my resources and have a group of children around them. I am pleased to say that they obviously don't see me as a tyrant.
My other favourite thing is to sit with them and listen to their conversations. Sometimes when they know I'm doing it and I will join in, and sometimes as a silent listener. Recently I had to stop myself laughing when one of my boys said to his table;
"Do you even know what a bra IS?", and when some did not; "It holds your mummy's boobies."
I thought it best not to let him know I had heard this.
I will miss them next week, I really will.

Fashion

I have a morbid fear of becoming one of 'those' teachers who dresses in shin length pleated skirts in floral fabric and wears K shoes.

I went through a scruffy phase a few years ago and now I look back in horror at the pictures. There was one particularly horrifying day when I had cooked fish the night before at home and came in the next day with the smell on my clothes. I am still stunned at the impregnating powers of cod. When one of the children commented; "I can smell fish", I was beyond mortified.

Nowadays I never dress down unless I am out for walks. At all other times I dress as well as I can. This includes Sunday at home on my own, when I am often to be found in dress and cinch belt and heels whilst doing my weekly plans.

I also buy into the theory that children like colour and that I am a role model of sorts. Therefore I have an ever expanding wardrobe and a growing army of small followers of my fashion. In order that I can keep up with current trends and stay within budget, I buy a weekly fashion magazine. It is total trash, I am the first to admit, but I use it purely as a point of reference for my wardrobe. When I am finished looking at the pretty pictures, I bring the old copies in to work where I will go through them with my friend and colleague and discuss the really important issues of our times, like Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum being married now, and look at how thin Rachel Zoe has become...etc etc.

Visitors to our place of work are always impressed with the level of high brow conversation from two educated women. We have even been known to discuss - I'm a Celebrity..... at tea break.

There are some days when my fashion choices backfire on me, for instance a couple of weeks ago when a coach was suddenly unable to run the session and I had to step in at the last minute. Knee length heeled boots are not necessarily conducive to 'High Quality P.E'. Or for rumaging in the shed for cones.

I think though on balance, I'd rather the slight discomfort and possibly short term lack of dignity than return to the scruffy fish smelling days from long ago...